No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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