At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize