dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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