Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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