so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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