Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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