I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
