those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
