He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
