We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
