Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
worst night to have a conscience
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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