So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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