I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
