i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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