WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
