I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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