omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
