i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
