I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
