scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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