Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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