Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
