She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
