somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
