Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
