I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
