A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize