Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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