i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
