I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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