You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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