I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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