She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
