is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
