dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
