i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
