So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You ruined the universe
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
