I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize