Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize