everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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