we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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