You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
