I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
