get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
