Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
