we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
