its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
