I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
