Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
