You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
