remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
