life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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