escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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