that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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