I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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