guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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