hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
