I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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