Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
