i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
