I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
where am i from again
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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