GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
