We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
