You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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