gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
