Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
