I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
